Roses and Forgetmenots
by Raeshiel
Summary: Newfound love lost. Can Aya survive? AyaXOmi
1. I never wanted to say goodbye

_I will always remember you, my little uke._

__

"Okay guys, its late. We've already played every game in the house, can we just go to sleep?" Yoji collapsed on the couch. It was Ken's birthday, and no one had been able to say no to his resolve on playing soccer for most of the day. Not even Aya had escaped from the wrath of the black and white ball of doom. Everyone, save Ken, sported bruises and scrapes by evening, and Yoji was very unhappy with the turnout of his hair at the end.  
  
They moved all the chairs to the side at Ken's insistence that it was more like a party, and then lay on the floor to watch a movie. Except Yoji, who insisted on the couch. Aya didn't remember what they watched, he was too tired. Trying to play soccer, or trying not to, as it were, was more exhausting than the most grueling missions. But despite his body's weariness, his mind refused to rest.  
  
He surveyed the dark room, hearing the steady breathing of everyone in it. To his relief, no one at the moment was breathing loudly. He hated it when people breathed loudly, it was in the top five pet peeve list for sure. Everyone was asleep, why couldn't he be? He sure as hell was tired enough.  
  
His amethyst eyes fell on Omi, snoozing not so far away from him. His cheek was resting on his hand, a peaceful expression on his face. Of everyone there, Aya liked Omi the best. He could always lighten Aya's mood, turning his emotion from obscure absence to actual semi-existence, a big deal for the emotionless man. Those bright blue eyes, now closed in sleep, always seemed to understand.  
  
Before he knew what he was doing, he had moved over and bent down to lay a butterfly's kiss on Omi's forehead. By the second kiss he finally grasped the action, and froze. The chibi shifted a bit in his sleep, making Aya back away quickly, lest he should wake up. Slowly he stood up, and went to his room, head spinning in confusion, and unsure of what he'd just done.  
  
He woke up at sunrise, like he always did, last night's abnormality forgotten. Everyone was still asleep; Ken would definitely have a cramp in his neck laying on the floor like that. Yoji was cuddling his pillow, and Aya made a point not to listen to what he was mumbling.  
  
Work went slowly, it was a school day and most girls were in class. Yoji had a few visitors, and it was a pain in the ass getting him to work. The first wave really hit after school, and the shop was full past the door with female squealing and chittering and giggling. Aya rolled his eyes and together he and Ken shooed most of them out. It seemed like the day would never end.  
  
Most days Aya just wanted to survive. Yet there were times when even that seemed so pointless. If it weren't for his sister, he might not be here at all. He was alone, separated from his loved one, and losing hope. His katana was sharp enough to pierce flesh, but it couldn't cut the pain away from his soul.  
  
"Yay! Movie night! Movie night! I get to pick this time!" Omi happily and chibily plopped down in front of the shelves of VHSs and DVDs by the television and began to browse through them, creating stacks of videos that made the leaning tower of Pisa look stable. Aya took his place on the couch, and Ken came in with a big bowl of popcorn.  
  
"Who wants some?" His question was answered by all save Aya, who didn't like popcorn. It had no flavor, and got stuck in your teeth. Like my life, he thought. Yoji sat on a chair and grabbed some popcorn, while Omi did the same. All were situated when Omi finally pushed play on the VCR.  
  
"Aww, Omi, if it's not a DVD, it's probably no good." Ken complained. Omi turned to the ex-J-leaguer.  
  
"For your information, Ken, this movie is a really old anime. I never got around to buying the DVD, and now you can't find it anywhere."  
  
"Wait a sec, is this..." Yoji cut in.  
  
"The Last Unicorn!" Omi sang out happily. Yoji groaned, but he was the only one who did so. Aya sat detached from the whole conversation. The movie was okay in his point of view, but it didn't matter if he spoke up or not. He knew the chibi well, they would watch it if Omi had to go through Hell to do so.  
  
And watch it they did. Omi and Ken quoted with the butterfly, and Yoji pointed out, to everyone's annoyance, that the harpy had three breasts. Aya wasn't paying attention, at least not much. There were no such things as unicorns, and fairy tales were beautiful, but never true. All they did was give false hope to dreamers who could never reach their unattainable heights. Yes, you would need wings to reach a fairy tale dream.  
  
As the movie dragged on, everyone was clearly getting tired. You knew it was way too late to be awake when Ken and Yoji wouldn't stop saying, "Oh I love you, lovelovelovelovelovelovelove," at random intervals, still believing it was funny. Aya finally got sick of sitting up, and lay down on the couch. He didn't have to go to sleep, just rest a while...  
  
Aya didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until he woke up to the angry oppressive static of the TV. Groaning, he slowly lifted himself from the comfortable couch and trudged to the TV, determined to kill it. Finding only the strength to raise a hand and poke the power button, he decided to sleep now, and destroy it later.  
  
Too tired to walk back...hell, too tired to even stand. The assassin silently fell to his knees, and then to the floor, eyes closed. Hn...the floor was cold. He grabbed the closest blanket, yanked it from the owner, and made himself comfortable. Aya's mind was beginning to cloud in the soft haze of sleep. A dreamless respite from this hell, if only for a little while.  
  
He was interrupted when a slight form moved under the blanket spread around him. Aya grumbled, and raised his head sleepily, instinctively reaching for his absent katana. The intruder would die for his insolence when the man got his hands on him.  
  
Omi snuggled closer to the red haired killer, who lay still in surprise. Didn't the boy know who he was dealing with? No he didn't, Aya, he was asleep. Well, if the kid was asleep he guessed it wouldn't kill anything. He lay his head back down. Omi had his back to Aya, his little breaths making the blanket rise so slightly.  
  
He looked so fragile. Aya put an arm around him, not really thinking about it. He was slowly falling asleep, and the comforting darkness surrounded him. Omi moved in his sleep, closing his fingers around Aya's hand. Slowly, the older man caressed those fingertips. Omi's grasp tightened ever so slightly.  
  
He let his arm pull Omi close to him, but it seemed he had also semi-woken his team member. Omi had turned around, and in his mostly asleep state had put an arm around Aya. He in turn, let his fingers first, then his hand, move just a little over the chibi's back.  
  
Aya's mind was cloudy, and had he been awake he would have been sorely confused. What was he doing? This made no sense, he should get up and go to bed. This boy in his arms...no, Aya didn't care for anyone but his sister. Yet his muscles relaxed when Omi began to slowly stroke his back. No, no he couldn't possibly...his lips met Omi's forehead. He brought his mouth down to rest on Omi's lips. He kissed them softly two or three times, just enjoying the feel of it.  
  
He mentally scolded himself. _Aya, he's asleep..._He was wrong. Omi sleepily caught Aya's lower lip in his mouth, sucking on it a moment before letting it go and returning for another light kiss. Aya, what are you doing? Omi isn't even fully conscious, you can't do this!  
  
His mental confusion was cut off by Omi's mouth pressed to his, and Aya let his tongue explore this new world of taste and texture. Every thought melted into euphoria. He tasted so good, and it felt so great while Omi caressed his back, tracing lines around his spine, working his way to the base of Aya's neck.  
  
Suddenly, Omi pressed hard, and drug a finger down Aya's spine. It felt like he had been set on fire, and he plunged harder, deepening the kiss. Realizing what he was doing, he let go, afraid of what he'd done, though he and Omi were still interlocked in each other's arms.  
  
"Aya-kun, doushite? Doushite?" came the whispered words.  
  
Aya slowly opened his eyes, and was surprised to see Omi's half closed sapphire ones looking back. His eyes were wide, though he had a small smile on his face, and he ran his hand back up the man's back. Aya shivered, and Omi brought his mouth to Aya's again. Their kiss lasted longer, and again Aya was carried away by emotion.  
  
This couldn't be happening. Yet here he was, someone he could and did care for in his arms. When did this happen? When did he begin to feel once more? The ice around his heart was beginning to melt, and it ached; his heart was sore from misuse; it hurt to love again.  
  
Omi stroked Aya's spine again, and this time Aya pressed harder without any hesitation. He savored the flavor of his partner's mouth, and in turn Omi ran his tongue around the inside of Aya's mouth. They pulled each other closer, tighter in each other's arms.  
  
Yoji turned around in his sleep, and Aya and Omi separated in fear. If anyone found out...Yoji sat up and turned to look at them with bleary eyes. Aya looked over at Omi, but the boy's eyes were closed. He turned back to Yoji, the cold glare back on his face.  
  
"You're going to wake Omi up." He accused. It occurred to him that this was severely out of character, but thankfully, Yoji was too tired to notice. Aya sighed in relief. Yoji got up, and hit Ken with a pillow. Ken jumped three feet in the air and crashed down.  
  
"Soccerairchaseitgetitgetitgetit pinkbutterflycatchit aaaah!" He shouted, then turned around. Six eyes were looking at him with wide expressions. Blushing, he went upstairs, mumbling something about breakfast.  
  
Yoji was awake, but he wouldn't get off the couch. You could tell by looking at him, this was not a day he was going to get up. Staying up last night, combined with the last few sleepless nights, had hit him hard. The playboy had had enough. He was crashing.  
  
Aya went upstairs, followed by Omi, to see what Ken was doing. Turned out, not much. He was sitting on the couch in the living room, looking expectantly at Aya. Aya sat down on a chair, and Ken gave him another look. This time it was accompanied by the big blue eyes of doom belonging to Omi. Aya bristled.  
  
"So, you gonna make breakfast or what?" Ken asked. Blink. Were they kidding? Aya had a bit of a tendency to burn things. It was stupid, he followed recipes exactly, to the dot, and yet they always ended up_ en flamb_. The oven hated him, that was it, and the burners had allied with it.  
  
"Aya? Hello...earth to Aya. Breakfast? You know, that thing most normal people do in the morning, eat?" Ken raised his eyebrows, semi-tilting his head to the kitchen.  
  
"Can we have pancakes?" asked Omi brightly. Aya sent an unbelieving glare his way. He was being ganged up on. It was too early for this. But there was nothing else he could do. He got up amid the cheers of his colleagues. Yoji shouted up the stairs at them to be quiet.  
  
Well, the pancakes didn't turn out too bad. He didn't burn them, and that in itself was something. Yoji had come upstairs some time during the flipping process, and helped himself to a load of pancakes. They ate through scattered bits of conversation. Sleep still hung heavy over everyone.  
  
"We can't open the shop today, I couldn't take it." Ken yawned. Yoji mumbled an agreement. Omi smiled and asked if Yoji was losing his touch.  
  
"No, I just need to get some sleep. I can't impress the girls with circles under my eyes." Yoji replied. Ken began to hum the little snatches of songs the butterfly sang, and Omi joined in. They definitely needed more sleep. Yoji grumbled and went back downstairs for some beauty sleep.  
  
"Why not your room?" asked Ken.  
  
"Because the sun hits my face through the window, and the basement is nice and dark." He left in a stumble. Aya watched his associates. They were all so tired. Memo to self, never let them do this for days at a time. How does a person live like that? Sleep is precious.  
  
"If we aren't working, I guess I'll go to the field." Ken said stealthily, as he hurried upstairs to his room. Omi heard him nonetheless, and shouted at his back.  
  
"Hey! We weren't opening the shop because we're worn out! If you aren't tired, go to work!" he yelled. But it was too late. The soccer player was out the door, bag of soccer balls in hand. Aya left the table, and lay down on the couch. He put his head on his hands and shut his eyes against the light. This was definitely the worst off-sleep schedule he'd ever had.  
  
Omi came over and snuggled in beside him. The back cushions wouldn't permit the extra body, however, so both of them got off, removed the annoying pillows, and lay back down. Their arms were around each other much sooner than last time.  
  
"Move over, Aya, I'm falling over." Omi mumbled. Aya of course, was not about to oblige, but he did pull his companion closer. Omi buried his face in the man's chest, and Aya let his fingers run through the boy's hair.  
  
"Omi..." he stopped a moment, and the chibi looked up at him with those blue eyes. Aya couldn't seem to form the words, it was hard. He'd never had to speak them before. "Omi...ai...aishiteru."  
  
"Aishiteru, Aya-kun." Omi kissed Aya sweetly, let go, and planted a little kiss on his chin. For the first time in a long time, Aya smiled. Omi brought his hand up and traced his jaw line. He's so beautiful when he smiles. he thought. Aya caught one of his partner's fingers in his mouth, sucking on it a moment, before letting go.  
  
"I'm falling off the couch, Aya." Omi slowly guided Aya over him, until he was almost lying on top of him. For a moment Aya couldn't breathe. When he looked at Omi, his precious Omi, he felt...complete, somehow. He knelt down to catch Omi's mouth in another heated kiss, melting their mouths together. Omi brought his hands up to place one behind Aya's neck, and the other on his back. Aya broke the kiss first, but then Omi dug his fingers into Aya's back, and let them slowly pull down, making his red haired partner moan.  
  
"That's not fair, Omi." he whispered when he regained his breath. Omi kissed his cheek and laughed soundlessly.  
  
"I know." he said with a smile. He was playing with one of Aya's ear tails, which were draping down past his face. Aya arched his neck to look Omi in the eye.  
  
"Who's in control Omi?" and he lightly moved his tongue over Omi's lips. When his companion tried to catch it, he backed away, and drew his tongue up Omi's neck in a slow lick. It was his turn to cry out softly. He grabbed onto Aya tightly, holding on for dear life.  
  
Aya licked Omi's lips again, and this time his partner caught it in his mouth. He let Omi have his turn this time. He pulled Aya down close to him, and kissed him hard and passionately, ending the breathtaking assault with his tongue drawing up Aya's neck. The cold assassin threw his head back. He caressed the younger boy's sides, letting his hands shift to run over his stomach. Omi let out a silent cry.  
  
Yoji came up the stairs, and the two lovers flew apart like they'd been electrocuted. When the blond playboy saw them, he gave them a strange look. Aya glared at him, but was interrupted when a pillow smacked his head. He reached behind him and grabbed the second projectile before it could make contact, an annoyed scowl on his face.  
  
"Yoji, wanna join the pillow fight?" Omi asked brightly. Aya growled in aggravation, giving the playboy a don't you dare look. Yoji wasn't exactly convinced.  
  
"You guys sure separated really fast..." he said, and went in the kitchen. He came back carrying a glass of water, and went back downstairs. Both Omi and Aya watched him retreat downstairs. After a good ten minutes of no movement, and after Omi even went downstairs to check and see that Yoji was asleep, they met back together again on the couch.  
  
"Where were we?" Omi asked, his hands gliding over Aya's muscled back. Aya said nothing, but suddenly and swiftly kissed Omi's neck, then let his tongue glide up to meet his lips.  
  
"Somewhere near there, I think." Arms entwined around each other, they held each other close. Aya felt that he could never get close enough, holding on so tight, as if should he let go, this moment would fly away like rose petals in the wind. He looked into the eyes of his beloved Omi. They were shaded somewhat by his straw colored hair, golden where the sun's rays made them glow.  
  
"Your hair is in the way." Aya softly brushed them from Omi's face. The chibi only made a little face, and stuck his tongue out at him. Aya bent down to caress that tongue with his own. They melted into another kiss. Aya's thoughts were all focused on one thing. Omi. Precious, priceless, perfect Omi.  
  
They heard Ken coming home, and reluctantly pulled apart. Aya let Omi up, and they quickly put the back cushions back on the couch. They sat on it quietly as Ken came in the door. How he could stay up for so long and still have the strength to play the way he did? Aya couldn't fathom it.  
  
"Hey guys, still tired?" Ken asked brightly. Omi enthusiastically replied, but Aya only nodded slightly. Yoji came up the stairs at about the same time.  
  
"You missed a pillow fight, Ken. Omi was beating up on Aya. You're all insane, if you ask me. Anyway, I was going to get something to eat. You guys want to come?" Yoji looked around. They all agreed to go, but Yoji insisted on driving. So they piled into the car, and, after a long debate, it was decided to just get ice cream. Nobody was really that hungry.  
  
"We could bring it home, and watch another movie!" Omi piped up.  
  
"NO!" Everyone said at the same time. Omi sat down in the back, mumbling about only kidding. Aya looked out the window, as he always did when he wasn't driving. After a moment, he noticed that a hand was next to, and occasionally touching, his. Not changing his stance, he laced his fingers in Omi's.  
  
They all went to sleep after the ice cream. Aya was glad to finally get to bed at a decent hour. His bed was soft, and his blankets were warm. He settled own into his pillow. This was nice. How could he ever have missed going to sleep...  
  
"Aya-kun." A small voice, almost whispered. Something shoved his leg. Aya shifted a little in his sleep.  
  
"Aya-kun, wake up. Please." He was shoved again. Aya grudgingly opened a sleepy eye. Omi was kneeling on the ground by his bed, looking very downcast. When he saw that the red haired man was awake, he sat up a bit to see him better.  
  
"I can't sleep." Omi whispered, embarrassed. Aya said nothing, and Omi almost thought he'd gone back to sleep, until he moved over and held the blankets up for Omi to crawl in beside him. He lay an arm over Omi, holding him closer.  
  
"Just sleep..."  
  
"What was that?" Aya asked softly, letting his lips brush Omi's cheek as he spoke. The boy put his arms around Aya, and kissed him lightly.  
  
"Nothing." He kissed Aya again, slowly letting him wake up a bit more. Aya stroked Omi's back. Suddenly his fingertips met bare skin, Omi's shirt had pulled up a little. This was intriguing. He let his hand slide under the shirt, snaking over his partner's soft, warm skin.  
  
Still locked in a fervent kiss, Omi found his way underneath Aya's shirt as well. No sense in not visiting old places, he let his fingers drag down Aya's spine. Aya held onto Omi tightly, kissing him intensely, and breathing hard. Enjoying this, Omi repeated the action. A moan escaped from Aya's throat.  
  
Aya explored the younger boy's body. His skin was smooth, and burning with heat. So was his own. He found his way to Omi's chest, and his fingers tracing myriad patterns over his torso made Omi cry out.  
  
Aya let go of his partner, but only to move over him. Omi leaned up to kiss him again, and took his hands. He guided them to the hem of his shirt. His eyes almost pleaded. Aya slowly pulled Omi's shirt over his head, looking down at the smooth body of his companion. He gently wrapped his arms around him again.  
  
He leaned down to draw his tongue from Omi's stomach, all the way to his chest. Oh, he tasted so goddamned good. The action caused Omi to moan and wriggle under Aya's hold. Mmm...wonder if he'll do the same thing if he did it again. Aya did it again, a little harder this time.  
  
"Aya!" cried Omi, who grabbed onto his back, almost clawing. In this position, Aya kissed his collarbone, letting his tongue glide over his hot skin. Omi moaned, holding on tightly. Aya kissed his cheek.  
  
"Say my name." He whispered in Omi's ear, nibbling on it afterwards. He settled Omi back down on the bed, caressing his sides. Omi shivered.  
  
"Aya." He whispered, his voice heavy with want. Aya placed his hands on Omi's chest, letting his fingers drag down his body. Omi gasped his name, and Aya licked his torso again. Omi buckled, doubled over, writhing under this painful, burning desire.  
  
"Aya! Aya..." Omi was breathing heavily, as was his partner. Aya let him rest a little. He got to playing with the boy's chest, running the nipples through his fingers. He heard Omi moan, then try to speak, and leaned closer to hear him better.  
  
"Try it with your teeth." He whispered, guiding Aya over him. Aya slowly nibbled on the first, stroking it with his teeth. It felt so good, and Omi moaned, and twined his fingers in Aya's hair.  
  
"Oh damn. Definitely a good idea." he breathed. Aya moved to the other one for a while, and got bolder. Roughly he bit down on it, causing his partner to wriggle again. Mmm, he was enjoying this. He got rougher, but not rough enough to lose grace, and ran his hands all over Omi as he did so.  
  
"I like this part. But I still miss..." Aya brought his mouth over Omi's, sharing a heated, ever deepening kiss. He was unquestionably in love with Omi. Not just his body, his supple, slick body, but for who he was. Omi...Omi drove away the pain in his heart, made him complete. He had caused Aya to feel again.  
  
The two lovers slowed down as the morning was upon them. Aya slowly, and regretfully, let Omi get his shirt back on. They lay in bed together then, holding onto each other. Each knew the other loved them deeply. Suddenly, Omi sat up.  
  
"Aya...you know we can't do this."  
  
"What?" Aya put his arms around the boy, sitting up as well.  
  
"We can't keep doing this. I...I can't be selfish." He wasn't looking at Aya, who was now somewhat afraid.  
  
"Omi..."  
  
"Aya, somewhere there's a girl out there looking for you. You'll meet her and she'll be everything you ever wanted. But how can you do that with me here?" Omi didn't want to say it, his voice was broken. Aya was beginning to understand, and he held onto his love tighter.  
  
"Omi, I love you. I don't want anyone else. Just you. I don't even like S- "  
  
"I know that. But you'll find someone. And I will too. We'll forget all about this, and be able to move on." Aya was trying hard not to release the tears that were fighting to break loose. It wasn't fair.  
  
"I can't forget about you. Did I do something wrong, Omi?" he asked softly. Omi turned around to face him, and caressed his cheek.  
  
"No, no Aya. You've done nothing wrong. I just don't want you to regret this."  
  
"Omi I won't..." Aya began, but the boy put a finger to his lips, and hugged him. Aya held on to him desperately.  
  
"But I don't want to say goodbye." Silent tears fell like rain. Aya let them go, now that they were there. This wasn't fair. He shouldn't have to. "We've only just met, only just understood. It's not fair." He cried. Omi let his fingers go through his hair.  
  
"Aya, please don't cry. If you start crying..." Too late. Both of them held on in tears. "But what could we do? If anyone found out...and I don't want to rob you of that special person. She'll be perfect, Aya."  
  
"You're perfect. I love you, I can't get around that."  
  
"I love you too, Aya. Oh God, I do. But don't you understand we can't do this?" Aya nodded his head. The tears were beginning to subside, but his chest ached.  
  
"Promise me one thing Omi. Promise you won't forget me." He stared into those sapphire eyes, bluer than blue. Omi nodded.  
  
"I promise."  
  
"Can we have one last kiss goodbye." Aya whispered. He was fighting grief again. This was all too familiar.  
  
"As long as it's not too long." Aya nodded, and their mouths met for one last time. A salty, sweet kiss, and one that would burn in his mind forever. When they broke apart, both were crying again. They stayed together, holding each other desperately until the tears stopped.  
  
"I have to go, Aya." Omi said, standing up. Aya hesitantly let go of this one person in the whole world he loved. Omi cast a miserable look in his direction, then turned and snuck out the door.  
  
Aya silently screamed after him. _Don't go! I don't want to say goodbye...I don't want to..._His heart really felt as if it was breaking, sending the scattered, sharp pieces through his blood, making every part of him hurt. He collapsed on his bed, sobbing quietly.  
  
Omi...my Omi. I love you. I'll never forget you. Thank you for what you've given me, I'll treasure it in my heart forever. The sun laughed through the window, causing bright warmth to everyone but him. The world was cruel, separating him from love. Instead, the sun was a harsh, glaring reminder that days would go by, and he could never touch his love again. Never hold him.  
  
"Hey Aya, we're going to open the store in twenty minutes. Want some breakfast?" Yoji's voice, accompanied by a knock on the door, struck through his mind, reminding him that he was still here, alone. He got up, went past Yoji silently, and took a shower. After getting dressed he went to the shop early.  
  
The sky was a bright and happy blue. _But not as blue as Omi's eyes_. Everyone was out and happy, except for him. Why was he so cursed? Everyone he ever loved was taken from him. Omi was so close...just beyond reach. It hurt so much.  
  
The flowers sparkled with little water droplets, but Aya saw none of them. Not until he saw the little flowers that Omi always loved. He smiled, Omi's signature flower. He went to the back to get dirt, and set aside a pot of them to take home.  
  
The others would be here in a few minutes, so he buried himself behind the icy glare. No one would know that he was dying inside. They would never be able to tell that he was broken, alone. He was protected, but not from the agony in his heart.  
  
His gaze fell on a bouquet of flowers. They caught his eye, commanding his attention. He picked them up, holding them close to his chest. Unbidden, and unwanted, tears sprang to his eyes. He quickly brushed them away.  
  
He would never be alright. This could never be okay. Not as long as this void in his heart existed. Omi...Omi come back to me...but he knew his lover never would. Had he been anyone else, he would have screamed and fallen to his knees in heartache. But he was Aya, the cold, unfeeling assassin, and could only think of doing such things.  
  
Forget-me-nots. The flowers in his hands were forget-me-nots. 


	2. Mistakes

_Taisetsu na yasashii hito wa kimi dake ga inai..._

_Nee waratteyo mou nakanaide koko kara zutto anata wo mite iru wa..._

The golden morning sun softly lit the back of the assassin's eyelids, gently warming them, and coaxing him from his sleep. Aya got up and sat on the edge of his mattress. He turned to stare at his bed. His pillow was warm, but the hand that touched it was cold. There was no one there. Again the realization stuck in Aya's chest and twisted his heart into pained submission. _He's not here; and he'll never be here again._

Aya got up to check the lock on his door, securely bolted against any and everything the world could throw at him. He had told Ken he wasn't feeling well (the biggest understatement the universe has ever known) and watched them leave for work out his window. Especially Omi, whose laughter penetrated the glass between the two of them and rang in Aya's ears. He couldn't work today. The flowers...the flowers held his shining memories encased in their tiny drops of water, drawing their soft beauty from them. From him.

There was nowhere to turn but into himself, and he was lost in his mind. _Goodbye...I never wanted to say goodbye._ Everything was wrong; the world was reduced to splinters of broken glass. He couldn't put them back together; his vain efforts lacerated his fingers to bloody ribbons. And Omi's face was reflected in every shard.

Aya looked away from the window. Anything, anything to take his mind away from here. There was nothing on the wall to distract him, and the ceiling had been stared at so many times he'd memorized its subtle shadows. But there, on the small table on the far side of the room, stood a flowerpot. Aya flinched at the sight of the freesias and forget-me-nots before he reached out to touch them with a trembling finger.

His knees buckled, and Aya fell to the floor, not registering where he was or what he was doing anymore. All he could do was writhe slowly, whispering Omi's name over and over. No escape from this wrenching pain, this gaping void in his chest. It wouldn't let him go. He opened his mouth in a silent cry. Omi...

This had become his daily torment, beginning each day with the broken memory of sacred, impossible love. It ended quickly, but every time left Aya fighting to breath, his chest aching as he struggled to regain the sanity that was slowly slipping through his fingers like blood. Slowly becoming a pale shade of what he was.

Aya sat up on the floor, leaning heavily against the wall, looking around his room. He clung to a simple thought: If Omi loved him, as he said he did, maybe he'd regret his words, and come back. This tiny flame gave hope to the assassin, who'd never before loved anyone. And now that he had, and it was taken away by the very one he loved...Aya stopped the thought before he could complete it. His heart clung to this one thread of light...

He went to work late, somehow finding the strength to appear, but it seemed the guys were getting along fine without him, excepting the fact that more girls were there whenever he wasn't around to send them away. This he did immediately, cutting the population of the store in half. Still, it was busy despite his efforts. The day just might go well.

Omi was in such a joyous mood. His laughter brightened the shop, and secretly lifted Aya's heart. So much, in fact, that a smile twisted the corner of his mouth, just for his dearly loved Omi to see. The boy saw the redhead watching him, and stopped smiling. Aya felt a rock tumble into his gut. Omi turned away. Aya wanted to run over and hug him tight, ask what was wrong, what he had done. But he too turned away to calmly wrap a bouquet. His smile died unheralded, save by the silent screams of his heart, as it was hidden away behind the mask of Aya Fujimiya the assassin. The tiny flicker of hope in Aya's spirit wavered, thinned...

The sun was beginning to set, sending its rays directly into the window. Omi walked past Aya with roses in his hands. His hair suddenly erupted into shining brilliance as the light anointed him, and the glorious angel standing before Aya stopped a moment to look into the sun with a smile, ignorant of the gaze of the awestruck man. Aya almost imagined golden white wings, spun of light stolen from those rays, softly gracing Omi's back. Those eyes, so clear and bright, shining in the sunlight. He was so beautiful it hurt. Aya couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but stare. Omi was so happy, and it was because the redhead wasn't there.

Aya left quickly; He couldn't stand it. In his heart he was reaching out toward his Omi, longing just to hold him in his arms. To hear him say "I love you" just one more time. He went into his room again and shut the door. Outside, the sky was a brilliant blue. _But nothing compared to those sapphire eyes._ Aya closed his own amethyst ones against the light, to see Omi smiling away into the distance. He took a step toward the boy, and another, but he could never get any closer. His outstretched hands hit the wall, and he leaned his forehead against it...

He heard the door open and close when the others came back, but he couldn't make out their conversation. It was just as well, they were probably talking about him. Laughter...joy...it seemed to follow Omi everywhere. Now that he'd gone...could Aya ever be happy again? Footsteps came closer, but he didn't move.

Someone tried to open his door, but found it locked. Aya wasn't about to walk over and undo it, not even for the persistent knocking that began. Mild scuffling took place behind the door, as if the someone was trying to wrestle it free. Finally it all ended.

"Hey, Aya. Aaayaaa...you still breathing in there?" Ken's voice drifted trough the door, grating on Aya's last, tired nerve. He got up, silently unlocked the door, and jerked it open. The soccer player fell down in the doorway, and Aya slammed the door shut again, effectively smashing Ken's head into his neck and shoulders as it pushed him into the hallway.

"Dammit! What was that for!?" Ken yelled through the again locked door. Aya heard Ken's stomping retreat and sat on the bed. He just wanted to be alone. That was all. But as he looked around the empty room, the silence becoming oppressive, he had to leave the wretched, dismal safety of his solitude.

The lights were all dark when he finally left his self inflicted prison. It seemed everyone had gone to bed. The quiet house immediately became an extension of his captivity. Aya stopped in the hall, ragged breaths tearing his throat. The emptiness was threatening to swallow him whole...

He suddenly found himself in Omi's room. The boy had fallen asleep on his desk. The computer was still casting its steady glow over the room. Aya reached down to turn it off, until he caught his name in the document still open on the screen. Breathless, he read the paragraph he'd seen his name in.

_Another day without a mission. Day ran smoothly. Aya was late again; Yoji took an early lunch. Sometimes it seems he's in this job more for the girls than our actual job. Oh well. There weren't so many orders to fill today. We might have to work a little earlier or later if we're going to make ends meet this month. I'll talk to the rest of the guys about it later. There also weren't any..._

So that was it. Omi truly had left it all behind. He really did regret everything they had together. Aya choked back his despair. Questions arose once more in his mind. What had he done, that he had hurt his beloved so much? Why did he say goodbye? He closed the document and shut off the computer.

The light went out suddenly, leaving the image of Omi asleep on his desk burned on the back of Aya's eyelids. He gently lifted the boy into his arms, and placed him on the bed. He smoothed the hair away from the angel's face, and touched his closed eyes. Just once more...

Aya placed his lips on the warmth of Omi's mouth. He knew he would get no response, but somehow it still hurt. He caressed the boy's face with a hand, remembering. Omi turned in his sleep, farther away. Aya lay down beside his sleeping love, lost in the darkness, lost from the world. No voice could have reached him where he was, save Omi's, but he was gone.

He placed his arms around the sleeping form. The smell of Omi's hair, the warmth of his skin...Aya's fingers began to stray, just as they had once before. Slowly, softly gliding over the skin of the boy's torso. He couldn't stop, didn't want to...

Omi made a noise and moved away. A knife wouldn't have hurt as much as the pain that erupted in Aya's chest did. Almost desperately, he took Omi's hands in his, and kissed his lips once again. He wanted his love to wake up, but at the same time was afraid of it. What he was doing...it didn't make any sense anymore, nothing did.

He found Omi's lips parted, and he kissed him with all the tenderness and love his soul could ever feel. But the boy was asleep, and it forced Aya to recognize in his broken heart that this shattered love could never be repaired, and this was wrong. He let Omi go, tears running down his face, and got up. He shut the door to Omi's room and stumbled blindly back to his own.

The moonlight illuminated Aya's tear streaked face as he looked out of his window. There would be no peaceful rest for him tonight. Every part of him ached and burned. He was ashamed of what he'd just done. He loved the boy in the other room, more than he could ever express, but, damn it, that was _not_ a way to try.

Aya's mind was falling in a slow, sick splintering of black glass, blood, and silk. Love tore apart every fiber of his soul. _Omi...I love you...I hurt you...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..._He opened the window. The light wind lifted the curtains, which swirled around him. Aya stood, staring at the sky, grief overcoming and darkening everything...

He had to go to work the next day, but he chose to stay in the back, away from everyone else. Restocking things in the back was an excuse to stay away from...from reminders. No one else really needed to come back there so he was all alone.

"Hey Aya, could you grab another one of those hoses?" Yoji stood in the doorway, looking sideways at his coworker. Aya turned around to get it from the hook on the wall, and handed it to the blond man, who took it with a worried glance.

"Are you alright? You're even icier than usual." Yoji said, truly concerned. Aya didn't say anything, but turned away to stack some unshelved boxes. The playboy shrugged and left, knowing the redhead was always like this, and would never tell anything he didn't want to.

A little while later Ken and Omi came in the back, carrying one of the larger containers of shrubs together. The phone rang at the same time, and Yoji yelled for the soccer player. He let Aya take over his part and ran for the phone. So Aya and Omi were left in the back for a moment. Carefully, they put the bush by a window, to wait for pest spraying. Omi lagged behind, making Aya afraid.

"My computer was turned off this morning. I left it on last night." Omi said out of the blue. Aya looked at the boy, who was looking at him with a meaningful stare. His eyes were so deep...

"I turned it off."

"I know. I'm a light sleeper." He looked long and hard at Aya. There was something behind his eyes. "Imagine my surprise to wake up with...Aya, I trusted you." Tears...were pain, and betrayal. Omi turned and walked away, leaving Aya cold as ice. Omi wasn't asleep...oh god, what had he done? What had he done? Silent as a shadow, Aya slipped out the door.

"Omi..." He reached for the young chibi, who turned to face him with sorrowful eyes. The boy shook his head slowly, backing away.

"No, Aya. No. Don't talk to me."

He stood in the center of the basement, staring into space. Omi's words echoed in his head, along with his own. _I trusted you...betrayer...molester...I trusted you...But I love you..._Suddenly, everything moved into focus. He didn't want to hurt Omi again. He could never stop loving him, but he could take the boy's pain away. He went to his room, desolation seizing his mind, numbing his senses, grabbed his coat and his katana, and a small number of other things. After a few moments he left the house, turning only once to say a silent, tearful goodbye to Omi...

" I swear, I think even _Yoji_ is working more than he is now." Ken ranted on the couch. Yoji was gone, out with a girl he met just today and managed to get a phone number from. Omi was tired, and wasn't listening to Ken. He just went up to his room and shut the door.

He turned around, and saw something on his bed. A rose lay atop a letter set carefully on the pillow. Curious, he picked it up and unfolded it with hesitant fingers. His blue eyes moved across the paper once, then twice.

_Dearest Omi,_

_I can't apologize enough. I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I never wanted to hurt you like this. I'm sorry._

_I can take the pain away. I know enough to go away. _

_I love you Omi._

The letter fell onto the floor.

There was no direction in Aya's mind, no plan. He couldn't see anything but his beloved Omi illuminated in the sun, an angel haunting his mind. He could only keep running. The sky faded to grey, draining all the color from the world. Rain blended everything into a macabre world of shadows. His feet could go no further. Aya fell, farther and farther from the earth, into oblivion...

There was no light in the sky when Aya woke. Was it possible that the world was dying, just as he was? No, there were stars, and the moon peeked through the buildings. He rubbed the back of his head; there a nasty bump was throbbing, bringing clarity back to the world. Aya tried to look at his surroundings, but was met with a black wall in front of his face. What the...oh, it was dumpster. He'd fallen behind a dumpster. Didn't that just fit the story of his life.

"And we're here, why?" a voice spoke; Aya stayed where he was hid. He recognized the tone.

"Shove it, Mastermind." Aya knew the distinct American accent as well. He wondered what Schwarz was doing around here. He fought to keep his mind blank, clearing every stray thought away from anywhere they might be detected. He'd had experience with the German before, and knew enough to keep him from his thoughts. Aya was very tempted to look around the dumpster to better see the situation, but thought better of it.

"I will if you ask me nicely. You know I love it when you call me that, Oracle." Schu's voice purred, and he heard footsteps and the thud of something hitting a wall. A soft moan floated to his ears. Aya felt as if he'd been slapped. Those two? He could not be in a real dimension. He had been dropped in this strange world where love was allowed for anyone but himself.

" Mmm...Schu...don't...wait...not now. We're here for Farfarello." Crawford spoke firmly, though Aya could hear him trying to talk himself into getting back to work. Where _was_ the Irishman? Aya strained his senses, praying that he wasn't anywhere near him. If he was caught now, after hearing what he had, there would be no tomorrow.

"Hmm, yes, the psychopath didn't come back did he? He was supposed to check on Weiß ...what could have kept him..."

"Cut the crap, Schuldig; can you hear him? Nagi was supposed to..."

"Shh! He's coming our direction, very angry... Nagi interrupted a god-hurting session it seems..." Schu sounded bored, but Aya pricked his ears up for details. Schwarz were going after them. If he could get details now he could tell...who? He had to stay away from his former teammates. There was no going back.

"Can't you make him cooperate?" came Crawford's irritated voice. Aya heard Schu laugh softly. He really wanted to look around, but that would be suicide. He must be patient. He was always patient...

" I'd like to see _you_ make sense of what's left of that twisted mind. No, just stun him when he turns the corner." Pounding feet and heavy breathing became audible, as Farfarello turned the corner. The soft noise of a gun preceded the heavy thump of a falling body.

"Let's go."

"Yes Oracle, exalted foreseer of the future, self appointed leader of this operation, grand high-"

"That's enough, Schuldig." Aya chanced to look as the men retreated. Schu had the unconscious Irishman over a shoulder, following an irritated Crawford out of the alley he was in. Schu paused a moment to shift the load, and moved out of into the night.

Aya quickly left the alley, thoughts blazing a thousand miles an hour in his head. One thing was certain, Weiß couldn't take on Schwarz without him. Hell, they couldn't even take Schwarz _with_ him. And Omi was easy prey.

His head clear for the first time in a long time, Aya strode into the street. He had a purpose.

Aya surveyed his new home. A bed, a laptop on a desk, and a closet not even a quarter filled with his sparse compilation of clothes. He finished it all with a flowerpot of freesias, the only decoration in the otherwise severe, inhospitable apartment.

He moved toward the desk. Nobody may give him credit, and he may not do it often, but he could hack almost as well as Omi. Well...he stood still...never as good as Omi could. He imagined the boy sitting there, his tongue sticking out in concentration, working through a particularly hard defense system. Oh Omi...

Wiping his eyes, and deciding he couldn't work tonight, Aya went to bed. The mattress was much too soft for his liking, and he growled at it fruitlessly before drifting off to sleep. He slept fitfully, waking often to strange feelings. Finally he hit deep unconsciousness.

Aya was back at the shop, dressed in his florist's apron. He gazed about the shop to see everyone else hard at work. Ken watering a shrub, Yoji flirting, where was Omi? He looked around. The chibi was walking across the shop with a bouquet in his hands. Aya happened to look out the window, and started when he saw Schwarz heading straight for the shop. What were they doing here? Nevertheless he kept a straight, albeit stony, face when the door opened and Schu walked in.

Nobody seemed to see Schuldig, and Aya wondered why. Ken walked right past him, and Yoji yelled something to him almost in the German's ear. Aya turned to ask Omi if he just happened to notice the orange haired psychic calmly standing in the middle of the shop, but he stopped when he was hit with a strange sense of déjà vu.

There he was, his angel, standing in the sun, just like a few days ago. Aya held his breath again, and stepped forward. A hand on his shoulder halted him, but he did not turn. He already knew who it was. Then Schu stood next to him, a smile on his face.

" Isn't he beautiful? So innocent, so pure...well, he _was_." Aya turned to the German, surprise written in his eyes. Schu smiled again and stepped toward the seraph in the sun.

"What do you mean?" Aya growled.

"The heavenly being has been desecrated by a fallen angel of blood. Will you ever regain your immortality, divine creature?" Schu spoke to the boy, who still was unaware of the presence of the psychic. But as he spoke, golden white wings sprouted from Omi's back, unfurling in the sunlight. Aya stared at the being before him, totally forgetting the presence of others, a tear forming in his eye. Schuldig laughed at him.

"Yes, I know what you have done to your precious Omi. I see it even better than you, Aya." The rest of the shop faded away into black, but Omi remained in a ray of light, the essence of perfection. Suddenly, he fell to his knees, eyes shut tight in pain. He was screaming something, and Aya heard his name spoken from those lips.

"No...please don't...Aya no..." Omi's pleading cries echoed in Aya's horror stricken mind. He felt something in his hands, and opened his own eyes; when had he closed them? A torn and bloody wing was held in each hand, and Aya dropped them in dismay. He looked down to find Omi kneeling at his feet, hugging himself tightly, tears and blood running down his face. Schuldig's laughter echoed all around.

"Do you see, Aya? You destroyed him." The German walked to the boy and knelt beside him, looking up at Aya. He pulled a knife from his sleeve. "I'm just here to heal him." Before Aya could move he had slit the boy's throat and disappeared. He caught Omi before he hit the floor.

"Omi...Omi can you hear me?" But he never woke up...

Aya sat up in bed. He hurried to the desk and booted up the computer. He got into their database easily, after all he was a member...once. Fingers flying, he uploaded the mission status files. A white cross blipped by a new line of text. He clicked.

Persia's silhouette popped up on the screen and proceeded to impart the necessary details. Aya stared tight lipped at the screen. It was Schwarz, and it was tomorrow. He wondered if Persia knew about his disappearance, but he probably did. Kritiker seemed to be everywhere.

He spent the next day preparing himself. He must do this quietly, secretly, in the shadows. He had to protect his loved one, but keep his distance. Somewhere in his mind he chided himself for not caring so much about his other team members. Well, he did care, but his Omi was precious. He wanted the best for the boy, even if he couldn't be there. He would make sure the boy survived to live a joyous life.

Aya left his apartment at 10:00, giving himself time to get there before either of them. If he was lucky, Weiß would be there first. If not...they were all in trouble. He stood on the rooftop of an executive building, suddenly sighting a familiar car. It was them. Aya got down to the ground, following his teammates in the shadows. He could hear their conversation from here.

"I can't believe Aya left. Right when we needed him. Why would he do that?" Ken asked, only a little hotly.

"I don't know." Was Omi's quiet reply. Aya almost tripped on nothing. This was why he had to leave. Schu was right, he was tearing him apart. And he never meant to.

" Well, _I'd_ feel a lot better if the numbers were even." Yoji drawled. Aya said nothing. _I am here guys...I just can't stay..._

They continued to a small courtyard between buildings, with entrances on all sides. This was where Aya split away from them, and went to the roof again. He carefully looked out across the city, watching for their targets. He had time, lots of it. The others were getting situated.

His thoughts began to drift. _No Aya, focus on the task at hand. _he thought.

_But you can't stop thinking about him._ came a strange voice in his head. Aya swore...quietly. He stood up to survey the area again. Nothing.

_Oh, the poor assassin loved too much. Who will you destroy next, Aya?_

_Get away from me, bastard! _Aya shouted mentally at his attacker.

_Very well. By the way, you are so far away from your friends on that roof, you might want to go down and help them. Farfarello is having lots of fun at your angel's expense. _Aya reacted quickly, running to the other side of the building, and looking down. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw nothing, and turned away.

_Of course...I lied, Fujimiya. Don't you think I know better than to walk into a trap? I send someone else in first._ Aya felt something strike him in the back. His eyes widened in surprise, and he tottered on the edge of the roof.

"I got him!" Omi hissed in his headset as he watched the man fall. Appraisal came from the others on their ends. "I'll go check it out." he said. Ken voice his move to the roof, to see if anyone else was there. Yoji pointedly remained where he was.

Omi's heart beat fast. If he had taken down a member of Schwarz, it evened the score for the future. Although it was unusual that one of them would slip up like that. Maybe it was a trap...if Farfarello was the one hit he would still be in perfect fighting condition. The fall wasn't really that high either.

He heard breathing, and caution slowed his step. He never was really very good at fighting in close ranges. Maybe he should get the others...but then he might get away. Omi snuck his way through to the shrubs where the man had fallen. He gasped.

"Aya! What..." he knelt by the man's side. The red head's eyes were closed, but he opened them when he heard his name. Omi looked down at the man's chest, where his arrow had pierced the heart, the point barely sticking out the front. What had he done?

"Omi..." Aya reached up to touch the boy, but he couldn't make his hand move far enough. He knew the wound was fatal. If he pulled the arrow out now it would be over in a few painful seconds. As it was, he needed these last few moments. He spat the blood from his mouth, and again when more welled up.

"I'm sorry Omi...I didn't want to hu...hurt you anymore." He tried to rise, but the boy pushed him down, examining the wound frantically. His eyes were glimmering with tears.

"Oh god, Aya. We can't get this out." he sobbed. "Why didn't you tell us it was you!...Aya you can't go..." Salt tears hit Aya's chest as the man labored to breathe. It was getting harder every second.

"Don't cry, Omi. I want to remember your smile." Aya whispered. The sound of running and crashing heralded Yoji's and Ken's arrival. Yoji took one look and froze. Ken swore under his breath. Aya's breathing became slower and slower.

"Aya don't go!" cried Omi, and he leaned down to hold the man in his arms. Aya lifted his head to whisper in Omi's ear. The boy's tears flooded from his eyes, and he shook his head. Ken almost stepped forward, but Yoji stopped him.

In silence the witnessed Aya's last breath. Omi put him down, and knelt by the body. He whispered something neither of the others caught, and walked away.


End file.
